When you see me, or meet me, or spend time with me, you'll be with someone who is happy, positive, and encouraging.

People have that effect on me, most of the time.

But there's another part of me that I don't show to many people. I mask it, I try to 'fix' it, escape it. It's the part of me that is depressed. Yep, I said it. The 'D' word.

I'm not talking clinical depression or anything like that. This is definitely seasonal, and I've been aware of it for years. When you choose to live in the Northwest, the clouds and darkness and rain are something you just have to deal with. 

I love it here and fall in love with Portland every day. But the darkness definitely affects me. With seasonal depression, it can be a daily battle just to keep positive--mostly I do it by surrounding myself with positive people, listening to inspiring stories from TED, watching funny movies, going for walks, and not giving in to the melancholy of the clouds. I feel an instant hit of joy and productivity on sunny days. 

I live for those sunny days.

I also live for my time in the studio. It saves me. It saves my heart.

Lately, on top of the SAD, I've been dealing with the demise of one of my most important, influential, and longest friendships. It's not my choice, and there is no communication from the other side, and frankly, it has destroyed me. 

But today, after waking up with an aching heart (again), I decided to move on from months of waiting and holding out hope, and let myself feel the anger...after all, it is one of the steps of grieving, and very necessary. 

I talk about forgiveness a lot. It's a vastly important part of my life, because I like to keep a clear soul, but I'm not there yet with this situation. 

When I go through times in my life like this, I spend a lot of time thinking about the positive aspects of my life. 

I am healthy.

I married a wonderful man last year! Good God, I love him more than I ever thought I could.

I have the two most wonderful, crazy, furry babies in the world.

My family is crazy and wonderful.

I get to create amazing, beautiful pieces of art on a regular basis. This infuses my soul with hope and joy.

I am part of a greater community, full of people trying to better the world.

When I look at all these things, and more, suddenly things seem pretty good. Pretty darn amazing, in fact.

What are you grateful for?

 

One reason I love living in Portland is the veritable temperate rainforest that surrounds us. Did you know that this whole area was once a rainforest?! I grew up in Southwest Portland, right next to Tryon Creek State Park, where my father and siblings and I would go walking, often. 

As we got older, it was mostly just me and my father, hiking or horseback riding. Hiking remains one of my absolute favorite ways to be outside and be active. 

I am a natural explorer, constantly investigating the land around me.

This last weekend, Dave and I went to a little place across the river in Washington, called Lacamas Park. I thought it was just a small park from the description in our "Curious Gorge" book, but it was larger than I thought, with trails winding this way and that. 

Most of the trails follow a small river, up past two waterfalls, around a lake, and back down through the forest. We hiked a good while, and I can't wait to hike more!

Where do you go exploring?

What do you find?

My favorite part about the hike was definitely the immense numbers of different types of lichen and mosses we saw--proof of pure air and happy organisms. Some of them were like little creatures, while others were almost like paintings on the trees. Unfortunately I couldn't capture the true, almost neon-green color of the one below.

I love getting down to the level of these mosses, seeing the world as if I was tiny. What a beautiful place!

Cherry Creek Jasper Necklace in Sterling Silver

A Little Bird Told Me Ring

  Sterling Silver and Ocean Jasper

I admit it.  I'm not a huge partier on New Year's.  It never feels so much like turning over a new leaf, but is simply a new day. 

I've learned that I have more success with resolutions if I don't actually speak them out loud--perhaps it is the fear of disappointing others or myself, but making those grandiose statements out loud puts on a whole lot of pressure. 

All I want for 2012 is to have more adventures, and so far, I am.  It's about expanding my horizons, reaching up, reaching out.

Letting go of the old, and welcoming the new.

I've been walking more, taking charge of my health with a different eating style, and getting out into the outdoors.  I grew up with the nickname 'dirt pig', because I love dirt.  It's true.  I would sit in it, throw it in the air, and giggle mercilessly as it rained down upon my head.  I'm not quite so fond of rolling in it now, but I do love the smell, the feel of it, and being surrounded by the earth.

 

Whatever your passion is, I hope you find time and heart to pursue it this year.  Follow your heart, always.

The day after Christmas.

My brother is on his way to San Francisco, my Mom is travelling back home to the Gorge, and Dave is at work.  The house is rather empty, and I am soaking up the quiet.

Christmas was wonderful.  We keep it pretty low-key around here, concentrating on spending time together and cooking yummy food, as well as a few walks in the rain.  We made two of the family's favorite, simple meals this weekend--Mexicali Gumbo, and a spicy seafood pasta with heaps of salad.  

One thing I love about the holidays in the past few years is that each one is different.  As much as I may love organization in most of my life, I love the unpredictability of the holidays.  Will we be with Dave's family or mine?  Who will be travelling?  Hood River or Portland?  Fancy or simple feast?  It's never the same.

This year, on Christmas Eve, we went to see our friend Chris Margolin play an acoustic show at the Edgefield Winery, and last night after Christmas Dinner, we went to see "We Bought A Zoo".  I can't remember the last time we went to the movies as a family!  

I hope your holidays have been full of fun and new experiences!

And now, off to clean the studio and be productive!

Photos by David Woody

Oh, it has been a wonderful day.  

And the weekend!  I spent the whole weekend with my husband and friends.  Now, my idea of relaxation is not necessarily laying around reading (although that is part of it...), it's more that I can do what I want, when I want, at the pace I want to.  And it has been wonderful!  

Our cute little tree is now lit up and dressed.

Decorations and stockings are hung.

The menu for the holidays is coming together.  

My brother and mom will be here in a few short days!

I've gotten to see three wonderful friends, and will be seeing more tonight. 

I've also been able to venture into the studio a little bit.  Not much..just a bit, but that's enough for me.  There will be more studio time to come, and I will revel in its glory!

Even the cats are excited! Sammy was so excited that I was home today that he just kept climbing up onto my lap, purring and loving on me incessantly.  It was both cute and annoying.  I loved every second.

I hope you are having a lovely holiday season, as well!

I am officially in the home stretch.  

My last class is in about an hour, and then I have four beautiful weeks off.  

Of course, I'll be working and filling my time planning my workshop for the spring, but I will also be able to see friends and family, and relax.  Maybe even read a non-assigned book!  The joy!  

For now, here's a few shots of my book project.  It's gorgeous and long and I can't wait to take proper photos of it.