Back Up and Running!

Royston Ribbon Turquoise Earrings in Sterling Silver

Royston Ribbon Turquoise Earrings in Sterling Silver

Australian Variscite Earrings

Facet Hoops in Sterling Silver

The Hummingbird Necklace in Sterling Silver with Spectrolite

The Hummingbird Necklace in Sterling Silver with Spectrolite

The Hummingbird Necklace in Sterling Silver with Spectrolite

Royston Ribbon Turquoise Necklace in Sterling Silver

Sonora Sunrise Jasper Necklace in Sterling Silver

Spirit Necklace in Sterling Silver

Turquoise Necklace in Sterling Silver

Australian Variscite Necklace in Sterling Silver

Vintage Glass Ring in Sterling Silver

It has taken me a while.
I have flitted and flapped, gone this way and that.
Finally, I rested on something.

I rested on just being myself. 
Doing what I know works.

The Etsy shop is back up and running, with more items and photos to appear in the coming weeks (as I make them). Finding time in the studio has been difficult but is regaining its spotlight as a priority again. Honestly, working full time at one job, spotlighting at another, and getting into the studio AND taking care of the apartment AND trying to buy a's madness over here.

But I do what I can.

Here are a few beauties that you can find in the shop! Including that gorgeous Hummingbird necklace...

Signs of hope, and other things...

 The last month has been interesting. I, honestly, have been all over the map. Reaching a year since Sonya passed was strange, and I found myself in a bit of an emotional slump. Those anniversaries kind of make you re-live everything, right down to the feelings of disbelief and responsibility. At the same time, though, I was working on reorganizing the apartment and paring down belongings, as well as working out more.

Additionally, I finally gave myself permission to follow my creative yearnings and work on a variety of new pieces--many involving animals or plants that are like totems to me. Inspirational, important, meaningful. The one above--the hummingbird--has always signified hope to me. I first noticed it when I was 14, and had been moved to live with my mom in the middle of nowhere in the Columbia River Gorge. I had lost most of my friends and was told that I could not be in contact with some of them. Destitute, I took myself for a walk down the road to a special spot that overlooked the Klickitat River and the hills around us. I cried and cried, feeling helpless and frustrated, and then I heard something. Just the slightest shift of sound, of wind....I looked up and there was a hummingbird right in front of me just floating there, looking at me. In the middle of this grassy, dry land that was parched and full of oak trees, here was this beautiful tiny and colorful creature. It hovered there for a few seconds, and then dipped away down into the trees. I took it as a sign of hope. After a few more wonder-filled minutes, I got up from my perch and walked home.

One Year

My dear SS,

Today marks one year since you left us. One year since you made a conscious choice to take your own life. Somehow that time has gone so slowly, and impossibly fast at the same time. Those first few months were the roughest--wrestling with the guilt, the sense of failed responsibility, the unanswered questions, and the complete disbelief. I was immersed in our collaboration which meant also being immersed in your words, notes, and drawings. It meant investigating your thought patterns and trying to see things, artistically, from your point of view.

Good God you were brilliant. And fierce. And funny.

I have always said that I would never criticize someone for committing suicide. I personally could not even imagine getting to the point where suicide would be the only option, and going through with it. I have definitely had times in my life where I wished to simply not exist because the emotional pain was so great, but that was about where it stopped. Through all the frustration and hurt of you leaving us--all the questions and crying and anger--I still stand by my statement.

I am so sorry that I did not see the signs.
I am sorry if I didn't do enough.

I am sorry that you couldn't see how completely you were loved by the ones around you. And even if you could, that it wasn't enough.

I have learned that I will never stop feeling sorry. I will never cease to feel some sense of responsibility, even if it isn't true. But that's okay.

I am glad that you are free of your pain.

You will always be my fierce red-headed warrior--the woman who was always encouraging my fitness goals; the woman who got me to run a 5K; the woman who was so artistically brilliant that I will continually strive to have that kind of design sense and motivation. You were never afraid to try new things. Always up for challenges and adventures. You are my spirit animal in so many ways, and I miss you all the time.

From you, I learned to be unafraid of my love of certain things. To stop caring about what others think. To question the norm, to be bold and unafraid.

I will always hold you in my heart.

And even though no one else will get it....