Christmas is here.
I didn't know if it would make it, to be honest.
And since we're being honest, a big part of me just wanted to skip over it altogether.
The thing is, I LOVE Christmas. It is my favorite holiday, so to not feel it in my chest, in my bones, in my smile...well, there's no words for that.
But, life takes over sometimes and you just have to make the best of it.
I am going to take a cue from one of my favorite gals and makers, Miss JJ Papke of Rosy Revolver, and I'm going to be open with you. You, my readers, whoever you may be.
In October, my mom went into hospital with liver failure. There are extenuating circumstances, which I won't go into, but that phone call...that was one of the worst moments of my life, next to learning that my father had died. I was at school, and I crumbled, wailing. People came running. It took a few minutes to gather myself together, but I did. After I emailed professors, I left and drove two hours east to The Dalles.
Also, my husband was working in a remote area of California at the time. Great timing.
The following weeks saw plenty of ups and downs. I was only able to visit my mom once a week because of my work and school schedule. Thankfully, DW came home a couple of weeks into it, and my brother flew in from New York around Thanksgiving (what a God-send. He took care of so many things that I just couldn't).
My mom is now living with myself and my husband--a reality that I never guessed I'd be a part of. It has taken an immense amount of adjustment for everyone, but we're making the best of it. Now that school is over for the semester, I have a little more time to think, to listen, to take care of the necessities. To breathe.
In all of this, a part of me has re-awakened--the part of me that yearns for solitude, for quiet, for peace. I have been going to evening meditations here, and just rearranged our bedroom to allow for some yoga practice. Part of me wants to start going to church, but it scares me, so I haven't. I pray instead.
I've been reading this and this.
I've been listening to a lot of Bon Iver and Iron & Wine.
And soon, I will be taking many walks on my own, out in the forest, in the quiet.
I hope your holidays are bright and cheerful.
Merry Christmas, may it rest in your heart!