The return to the city is always difficult for me.
Sleep doesn't come easily, and the sense of constantly needing to be busy returns to quickly.
If I could sleep outside every night, I would.
(I once lived in my jeep for 6 months--my own choice--and I remember how difficult it was to acclimate back to sleeping indoors afterward. It took months to feel comfortable again.)
I asked myself recently, "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?"
I would leave the city, buy land, and start a ranch somewhere. Somewhere that I could have horses, and some dogs, a cute house, maybe a river or creek, and my studio. I have always wanted to have a ranch, since I was a little girl.
But, my reality is different, and so I go camping, hiking, or for short adventures in the woods.
Last week, the hubby and I ventured to Crater Lake, Oregon. Being a native Oregonian, I've always found it strange that I've never been to this amazing place. We camped at Diamond Lake, nearby, and spent our days hiking, watching chipmunks (which are actually a type of striped ground squirrel...never knew that one), hiking, and taking photos. I spent a lot of time reading (I finished this, and started this).
The smell of the alpine forests of southern Oregon reminded me immediately of where our family cabin was in South Tahoe. The dark, almost-black soil, and warm pine needles littering the ground. The landscape was similar, too--it must be the altitude.
The smells, the vistas, the absolute wonder of such a beautiful place made me wish I could share it with all those loved ones who have passed. Those men and women that made me who I am today, who showed me how to appreciate that which surrounds us.
And at the same time, I was so grateful to be relatively alone.
I have learned that the ability to break away from oneself, to step outside of your thoughts and look around, is one of the best tools to healing.
It keeps things in perspective.
Reminds us that there is a whole world outside of us, our thoughts, our inherent selfishness.
I hope you are always able to break away, and take in the wonder that surrounds us.
Breathe deep, my friends.