Home ownership is so many things, all at once. It's blissful contentment, knowing you have something of your own--a piece of the world. A real life piece of land that you can stand on and stomp around on. It's a stressful weight, knowing that you have this huge debt, with big repercussions if something bad happens and you can't make payments (although, the same would go for renting). You can change it, modify things, make it your own, while at the same time, there is pressure to fit into society's molds, and so many broken things that need work.

I love it, though. I have always dreamed of owning my own home--ever since I was a little girl. Now, even when the rest of our lives are rough, I can sit back and say, "Babe. We own our own home," and feel proud.


Recently,  we made the unpopular decision to get rid of our guest room and move my studio in there. I say "unpopular" because there seems to be this weird societal pressure on homeowners to have a guest room. A good friend reminded me that our house is our own space to do with what we please, which helped alleviate some of my anti-guest-room guilt. I had been thinking about why I wasn't feeling motivated to be in the studio. What I realized with the garage studio is that it wasn't my own space. Not only was it cold, but I was sharing that space with gym equipment, lawn mowers, and various tools. The energy was all wrong.

So, we moved the bed and boxes and bikes out of the guest room, painted the purple walls white, and since then my bench and work table have taken up residence. We still have yet to move the hydraulic press and rolling mill in, and the soldering station will remain in the garage (this will mean that I have to get a cute little tray to carry items to and from the garage...not too upset about that).


One of the things I love about this move is that I'm getting the chance to reorganize and go through my drawers and discard things. As an artist, I tend to accumulate things that I "might use." Granted, I usually do end up using things, or feeling guilty if I get rid of them and need them later. But then there are items like collected bugs (yes, I used to collect bugs), or old molds for concrete and resin that I most likely will never use. It is refreshing, and renewing. Now, I can't wait to work in the studio. I got all my tools set up the other day and once I am home again (I've been dog/house sitting for 10 days across town) I can get to work on projects. I can even put up shelves! And artwork! I can display my jewelry--the big, eccentric stuff that is purely conceptual and I love to bits!

This, my friends, is part of the dream.

At some point, I started being swayed not by peoples' judgment of me, but by their possible judgment. It was a fear based in anxiety, which has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. This fear has affected not only my everyday life, but my creative work as well. I have always been inspired by the natural world--finding wonder in flora, fauna, and stones. Of course, others are inspired by the same things, but as long as we are true to ourselves, the execution of those ideas will always be as individual as we are.

Perhaps it is from attending art school--there is a sense that your ideas must go beyond the base layer. There must be so much substance that making production work can often feel futile or lacking somehow. My education in Australia was vastly different. Sure, we needed to have a concept, but the drive was different. Exploring forms and ideas for their visual appeal alone was not frowned upon. I could easily make a series of rings about endangered butterflies (with proper research, of course) and it would be commended--in fact, I created just that for my final project. The pressure from my U.S. institution was far different, although it has made me a better artist both conceptually and technically. There was more demand, more pressure to be conceptually driven. Occasionally a student would come along who wanted to make "pretty things," and you could almost see the professors cringe.

Realistically, those professors are right. There should be thought and concept in what we make, if it is anything other than production work. Even for production work, creating a story is essential--a lesson that has been cemented by working in retail.

Now, I look back to artists such as Julie Blyfield and think, "Why am I holding back? Why have I let this fall by the wayside?" In this day and age, it is so easy to get caught up in what other people think. We are constantly bombarded (mostly, through our own choosing) with images, and as an artist who follows other artists on social media, those images are of other peoples jewelry. It can be overwhelming, confusing, inspiring, and humbling.

So, I am evolving. This evolution has been anything but a straight line--it is more akin to how we evolve as people, with twists, turns, loops, and squiggles. As my new studio space takes shape, my heart feels more focused. I cannot wait to share with you what is next.

In my family--my immediate family in particular--names are inherited. They represent our history, and we each know the origins of our respective names. For example, my first name Catherine is from my paternal great-great-great grandmother, Catherine Cumerford. Her father was an Irish Catholic who fled to England, then Australia (where Catherine was born), and finally to California. My middle name, Elisabeth, is from my maternal grandmother. Some of my siblings have middle names that reflect historical last names in the family, like 'Tomlinson', and so on and so forth.

Over the years, I have learned that there are many women with the name 'Catherine Chandler' in the world, and that many of us seem to be creative--poets, writers, painters, etc. I also know that the main character in the 1980's show Beauty & The Beast was a female lawyer named Catherine Chandler. This was all very cute and trivial until recent years when said TV show was re-made and ran for four seasons. The internet being what it is, this new version of the show has collected a great fan base and now, whenever you search my name, guess what comes up? A vast collection of websites, pinterest pages, etc., devoted to a fictional TV character.

Now, if I was just your average girl, this would pose no issue. But, I'm not. I am an artist who has spent over a decade building a name and an audience. Granted, I have been less 'vocal' over the past couple years in this space due to finishing a degree and life choices.

This whole conundrum has had me wondering if I need to change my artistic/business name. The idea of starting over basically from scratch just rubs me the wrong way. After much thought, I think the best course of action is to simply be more present--in my posts here, as well as in my etsy shop and website, which are in dire need of some updates.

The timing of this is actually good, as I've felt a re-awakening of my creative spirit lately. Perhaps it's finally feeling settled into our new home after a year of living here. There's been a shift, and I can't wait to show you what's next. There will be new work, a new studio (again, I know), and an evolution of motifs and inspiration.

Thank you for reading.

Winter in the Pacific Northwest is a quiet affair. The rain and cold locks us in much of the time, and this winter has been no exception. In fact, it has gone above and beyond with snow days, ice storms, and freezing rain.

Much of November and December were spent getting jewelry ready to sell, and then the rush of the holiday season came and went. My husband was laid off from his job right before Thanksgiving, and between that, the election, and the stress of Sammy's flirtation with death, there was not a huge amount of joy this holiday season. But we made it what we could, and found joy in the little things.



This year, I expect there to be a lot of sticking close to home and improving our lives locally until DW gets a job and we can breathe a little easier. Luckily, we have gone through tough times before. Granted, we didn't have quite so many bills during those times, but we know how to make do. It is not an impossible task.

I have been getting bits and pieces of time in the studio. It is not well-insulated, so is the same temperature of the outside much of the time, which in these temperatures makes it less desirable to work in. I do have a little space heater which helps a bit. We have been talking about simply converting the garage into an actual room and doing away with the garage door all together--walling it in with a window or french doors. It would be better insulated and more inviting that way.

But, that is far into the future. This year, we will be keeping our budget tight and focusing on the garden beds by the side of the house. Ziggy has been keeping us busy with hikes and meet-ups with other GSPs. We are so lucky to live close to the largest off-leash dog park in the area, and there is a huge group of people with dogs just like Zig Zag. I can't wait until we can get back to hiking and going on bigger adventures! I actually just had my shoulder looked at by a chiropractor because there have been some issues with it locking up, and will have to do some serious modifications to my exercise regime. I see many, many more hikes, walks, and runs in the future--basically anything that doesn't aggravate my shoulder.

While this winter has brought about many feelings of doubt, misfortune, anxiety, etc., I am looking forward to spring and counting our many blessings. I have a wonderful boss and work at a great job amongst beautiful jewelry all day. I come home to a loving, supportive husband and three crazy loving animals.  We own our sweet home. These are just a few of the things I am grateful for on a daily basis. It is so easy to lose sight of those things and let the bad feelings get the best of you.

And now, for some hot cocoa and studio time...

The other day, I spent almost 8 hours in the studio. With some breaks in between, of course. I have been struggling with my creativity for months now. Part of it, I attribute to buying a house and moving in, renovating the space for my studio, and all of that transition. It takes a little while to feel comfortable and connected in a new space. But more than that, I feel as if I have been breaking through a lot of barriers lately. As if there has been a cloud surrounding both myself and my husband--since we moved, we have reconnected with family and friends who we had not seen in a long while. I have probably mentioned it before, but there was just something about that last apartment that clouded and depressed us, even as cute and centrally located as it was.

We are thriving out here on the outskirts of Portland. I am still dreaming of moving further and further out, too. If only those smaller towns had decent job opportunities!

I am going back into the studio today. And tomorrow. There are earrings and necklaces and rings and bracelets to be made. I need to order some metal, but at least I can get a start on things and figure out what else I need. It feels so refreshing to have a clearer mind and feel connected with my work.

_________________________

One a different note, today is of great importance. I rarely get political here, but this warrants it. We have just witnessed a historic election. I am NOT talking about Trump being elected--there is nothing historic about a misogynistic, racist, bigot white male winning the presidency. What is historic is that Hillary Clinton was our nominee and came just inches away from being the first female president. She may not have broken the highest glass ceiling, but there sure as hell are a lot more cracks in it.

I have been dismayed, shocked, and appalled at the events in this election--from the way the debates were conducted, to the vitriol encouraged by and spewed by Trump, and finally to the American electoral college (I will not say the American People because the popular vote produced a very different result) electing a bully to our nation's highest office.

However...I am a hopeful realist at heart, and while I may be eating my words in a few months, I don't believe this is the end of the world. It is an opportunity for us to look at what is wrong with our nation--where there are cracks, injuries, etc.--and to fix it. It is an opportunity for us to do better, to do more. To get out there and volunteer. Put our boots on the ground rather than our fingers on screens.

We must start at home. First, by being the change we want to see in the world. Second, by working with others, practicing what we preach, and teaching the next generation. We must stop turning a blind eye to hate, to negativity, to bigotry and sexism and racism. It starts with us--each and every one of us. And after that, Vote for your city councilors. Vote for your mayors, governors, representatives, and senators. It starts at the roots.


Nasty Woman pendant made by Fig Jewelry. You can special order these at Silverado Portland Jewelry, or through her website! I will continue wearing mine with pride.

....sick puppies
....escapes to the Columbia River Gorge to hike with friends
....little forays into the studio
....A wonderful visit from my oldest sister
....lots of cuddles

I told myself last month that I would post more frequently. I distinctly remember even sitting down to do so, before getting distracted by one thing or another. October saw a month of rain come to Portland with only 1-2 day breaks between storms. I am used to this kind of weather, but not usually until spring. October is historically a cool, crisp and sunny month.


This year, the pumpkin fields were mud baths but hubby was sweet enough to take a Wednesday off with me while it was sunny to buy pumpkins for our first Halloween in our new home.

We missed out on a cider press party our friends throw each year because a freak storm came in from the coast. There are so many big trees around our house that we didn't want to risk something breaking while we were gone. So we stayed home, cuddled up, and watched movies while the wind raged outside.

With those same friends, we ventured out on a beautiful hike the following weekend that took us to one of my favorite spots in the gorge (and not only because I share the name)--Catherine Creek. We went off trail, as is easy to do in this part of the gorge, and traipsed around finding old glass pieces from long forgotten homesteads, creeks to cross, a bone graveyard, and the wide open sky. When I need to get out of town, this is where I go. (Of Note: I was not aware that there are hunters in this area at this time of year! I absolutely never recalled hunters being there growing up. Luckily we had bright colors with us but it's time to stock up on some blazing orange gear for us & the pup!)


I have had little spurts of time in the studio. The goal is to get in there more often. This summer and fall have seen a lot of visitors coming to stay with us and I have been so grateful for these reconnections with family and friends. I am ready, however, to hibernate and have some alone time with the metal and stones. When I don't get time to create, my creative muscles tend to fade. I am working on a separate project that has nothing to do with stonesetting or jewelry, but I am craving the alchemy that is metalsmithing. Soon.



I have been able to finish a few pieces, and these can now be found (along with some necklaces) at Silverado Portland Jewelry in Bridgeport Village! They are gorgeous and feature cutouts of birds and feathers on the back. I love them. I am embracing my love of stones again, and it feels good.

 
As Autumn tightens its grip on the Northwest, I find myself quieting more and more. Summer was fantastic but by the end, it felt so manic and rushed that I found myself desperately looking forward to the cooler weather and more downtime. It is here--rainy days upon rainy days that find me struggling to entertain the puppy and simply taking him out for wet runs anyway. The way to get through Portland winters certainly is to let go of any fear or distaste for rain. After all, it's just water.


There has been some studio time happening but not much (although I am headed that way now). I am still at odds with my work and conflicting streams of thought. Who knows if that will ever subside. The biggest issue is time, though. Isn't it always?


Streams of creative thought lately....commemorative jewelry, redefining the locket/mourning jewelry, re/using found objects, totems, embracing my love for abstract shapes and clean lines, playing with stones and color, dainty vs large scale.....a lot going on. I often find myself wondering how to balance it all--perhaps the best answer is to give each idea a short burst. Its own 15 minutes. It's all part of questioning myself.


Until next time...