I just finished working on one of the unsent letters, reading through and applying the 'redactions'. Some of these I can get through in a breeze, just scanning words and blocking them out. Other times, it tears at my heart, re-reading those letters. Re-living experiences. Revealing some things, hiding others.

Making personal work is an exercise in emotional strength. It takes determination, belief in yourself, knowledge that what you're making is true and good. I am so grateful to have this year to really delve into this project and work through so many aspects of it. We're just starting Spring Break, so I'll be spending a whole lot more time in the studio this week, as well as writing my paper.

Now, back to those letters (4 down, 9 to go...)

I am making amazing things.
I am experiencing vast amounts of growth.
I am working with new materials.
I am broadening horizons.

But it's not all easy.

My work is personal.
Most of the time I feel vulnerable and exposed.
Most of the time it brings up issues, relationships, past experiences.
I realized today that I don't trust anyone anymore.
(I have learned more about myself through this work than any sort of counseling I've ever had.)
I have to continually push, work, move.

Last night, I realized it had been terribly long since I've been for a hike.
I haven't had time to myself in months...
...but I'm making myself a lovely necklace with a hidden token.
I have given up on going to the gym until May...
...but I'm going to go back to meditation this week. I find myself daydreaming about getting on the freeway and just driving away into the sunset.
Or just sleeping in.
I cannot wait to get back to making jewelry.
Soon, I will give up on cooking in order to save time, and find myself sleeping on the couch in order to get as many hours as possible, undisturbed.

It's not all easy, I know. No one ever said it would be.

But I know it's worth it.
Nothing worth anything ever came easy.

It's HERE!!! The OCAC Thesis Class of 2014's Kickstarter has officially launched and we need your help to get to our goal!! Check it out and help us put on an amazing exhibition in May! Above is a little snapshot of one of my favorite rewards, The Cubist, which includes an ephemera packet from an artist's studio! They are like little artworks.

JUNCTURE is the culmination of years of hard work perfecting our skills as artists, as well as our ability to think critically and conceptually about our work. We look forward to seeing you at the show and are so grateful for your support. You can learn more about our show and our work by visiting our blog!

It snowed in Portland!!
It's pretty rare that it sticks around anymore, so we went for a little adventure before the inevitable freezing rain came last night.

The other day, as I was frantically shuffling application papers around for an exhibition, I realized something.
I was reflecting on this notion of withheld words, and barriers, and it occurred to me that this idea has been a part of my work for years.

You know that story of unsent letters?
I'm writing those letters.
It's part of my thesis--I'm writing all those things I never got to say.
Each letter will be part of this mini-series I'm making.
Each letter is broken down into sentences, and each sentence into words (they're all blacked out).
These are some of the beginning translations of this experiment, with more to come....
In these examples, each strand represents a sentence, and each marker represents a word. I'm not truly excited about them but they've definitely given me a lot to think about as far as structure, color, and attachments.
In the end, all of the pieces will be individual with the ability to stack them, signifying the weight of all those words unsaid. I'm playing now between making them out of metal or continuing with fiber.

This morning was one of those mornings that I sincerely wished I was not allergic to coffee. The kind of morning where you glance outside, and then snuggle deeper down in the covers. I needed some sunshine...some liquid sunshine...anything.

A friend in Idaho said the other day how she was drowning because it was 40 degrees and pouring down rain. I had to chuckle to myself--it's like that so often here in the PNW. And then I pondered, how do we get through it? All those days of grey--some so dark that you can hardly tell it is daytime.

This morning, I went about my showering and getting dressed routine. I pampered myself with rose-scented oils. Heated up some yummy banana muffins and smothered them with butter. Made myself a creamy green tea latte. I wrote in my journal, and snuggled with Sammy (he was very excited about this).

And then....I went and played in the garden for an hour.

Sometimes, you just have to make yourself go outside, and dig around in the earth a while. Grey, or not.