Catherine Chandler Jewelry + Objects: Featured

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Our holidays this year were filled with heartbreak. And yet, we were buoyed by family surrounding us. On December 30, 2017, we had to put down our sweet Siamese kitty, Sammy. If you follow em on Instagram or Facebook, you've seen him there. His kidney disease flared up fast and furious, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. As heartbreaking as the whole situation was, by the end, I was glad to take away his pain and give him the gift of peace.

So, we have been in mourning. Only in the last week have I felt true joy enter my life again. Some may say, "It's just a cat--what's the big deal?" Well, I have always felt a strong kinship to animals, often preferring their company to other peoples'. I view animals and pets more as siblings than something I "own." I respect them. I love them. I try my best to understand their needs. This has allowed me to connect with many animals that often will not let people near them. I consider each of those connections a blessing.

Sammy was no ordinary cat. Much like my first cat, Dreamer, he and I had a strong bond from the beginning. He was always more dominant than his sister, Amber, and often stole the show with is cuddles and enthusiasm for playing with toys. Sometimes, his demands for attention were annoying, but I sure do miss being greeted by him reaching up for a hug, or being pawed at to be picked up. Always wanting to be picked up and held. He was mischievous, adventurous, had 10,000 different meows and loved playing hide and seek. Loved pouncing on hands under the sheets and hiding from pretend monsters. He went crazy over wet food, and learned how to beg for scraps from Ziggy. Sammy spent many hours licking us, nudging our faces, purring into our ears, and smothering us with affection. The love that animals can show continues to astound me.

We--David, myself, Amber, and Ziggy--are all readjusting. Ziggy and Sammy were cuddle buddies, and Amber spent a good week afterwards looking for her brother all over the house. We are now seeing parts of her personality come out that had hidden behind Sammy's dominance, and I'm relieved. We are happy to see her step into her new role as Queen Bee. When you invest so much love and energy into an animal, it is so hard to let them go. But I have always said, that is the responsibility you take on when you have pets, or even kids. Someday you will have to make impossible decisions.

Rest in peace, Sammy.

Over the past few years, I have moved away from making resolutions for New Year’s, and instead, I pick a word that will influence everything I do. This word isn’t just any word—it is something I want to embody, to strive towards, to be. For example, ‘discipline’ was one of the words from past years. That word got me through a year full of exhibitions and commitments. Last year, I chose ‘present,’ as a reminder to be present in everything. This helped during one of the roughest years we've had.

I have thought much this past year about my strengths and weaknesses, and reflecting on these has brought me to thinking much about bravery. What does it mean to be brave? For me, it is not so much about acts of heroism, but about standing up for oneself. Standing up for your right to better pay, good friendships, honesty from family and friends. Bravery goes hand-in-hand with my saying, “Feel the fear, and do it anyway.” And sometimes, it simply means doing what needs to get done because it is the right thing to do (no matter how much it hurts).

Often, I consider the needs of others above my own. I will let them win to avoid conflict. I will sweep issues under the rug to avoid upsetting people. I take on more than my fair share simply because I want things to get done. I forgive when I should really just let go.

So this year, my mantra is, “Be Brave.” Already, I have stood my ground when my trust in someone was shaken to the core. I let go of a friendship held on to for far too long. I am stepping into a new role at work with more responsibility. I am paying down debt and setting myself up for success. Probably the most painful act so far has been putting down our sweet kitty, Sammy, but we knew that doing so was giving him the best gift we could. More on that soon.

Bravery takes all shapes and forms—its definition changes depending on who you are and what your goals are. So, what does it mean for you to be brave, and how will you do so this year?

I am sitting in a darkened room, the heat surrounding me, marveling at the past few months. Outside, there are clouds (or perhaps it's wildfire smoke), and I am sipping wonderfully dense black tea.

This past year has been so full of stress, anxiety, fear....it has been mind-numbing. My creativity and motivation have waned, only to be awoken time to time because of obligation or necessity. It's not all been bad, though.

Just over a month ago, we traveled to Wallowa Lake with my stepmom. We were in the midst of all-out panic, facing down the hubby's continuing unemployment and what we feared would be the worst--running out of benefits and losing our home (hubby has since started a new job, just in the nick of time). But, we had planned this adventure months ago and knew it was needed for our broken and weary souls.

After packing up the car, we headed east with a suitcase, pup, plenty of food, and bikes in tow. The winding roads wove us through the gorge and mountains, up and over Cabbage Hill, and then North to the edge of the Eagle Cap Wilderness. Ziggy spent a lot of time laying his head on my shoulder so he could see out the front of the car, and snuggle simultaneously. He is quite the lovebug.

As we drove through farmland, and quaint little towns, marveling at their cute houses and barns, I could feel my muscles relax, my mind open. Then....we saw the lake. My immediate thought was, "Oh my god, this is like the Tahoe of Oregon!" It completely reminded me of the lake I spent summers at as a kid near Tahoe--Fallen Leaf Lake. My heart cracked open, and I fell in love. This is what we have been dreaming of.

There were deer everywhere (which Ziggy absolutely lost his mind over), adorable cabins and villas all in Swiss regalia, and gorgeous park lands surrounding the lake. Fresh, crisp air filled our lungs. Over the next few days, we explored the local town enjoying local chocolate, food and art; hiked the mountains; flew to the top of one mountain in a gondola; and played in the lake (note: Ziggy does NOT like kayaking. He DOES love swimming! After his ball.....). We refocused and renewed our energy, hatching plans for the near future and distant dreams.

Most of my friends in Portland will never understand the part of me that longs for the wide open spaces--they are city folk and could not fathom living with that kind of space. They say, "Why would you want to live there?" "What would you DO?!" "Oh, I could never live that far away." For me, it is home. It is peace and happiness.

One night while we were there, the Northern Lights were supposed to be visible. So, we stayed up into the night, then ventured down to the lake with camera gear in hand. Dave got all his gear set up while I grabbed a blanket and found a picnic table to lie upon. As I gazed up at the sky--those incredibly bright, bold stars, some of them shooting across the sky--my heart burst open, tears flowed from my eyes, and I felt small. Not the crumbling self-confidence kind of small. The kind of small that reminds you that life is so much bigger than we often remember. I want to gaze up in wonder at those stars every night. Not just the stars--the snow-capped peaks that shoot up into the sky, challenging people to climb them. The water that rushes down in tumultuous waves, tumbling across itself to get to its destination. The moon that fills the night sky with light, because there is no competition from the ground. I want to be reminded of my small-ness on a regular basis, for I will embrace it with love and say, "Yes. Yes, I am small. I am grateful. I am filled with wonder."

[Side note: on the day we drove to Wallowa Lake, the world lost a truly beautiful soul--Kelly Clark--to cancer. She was a year older than I am. I learned about this the day after, and it helped put a lot of things that have been floating around in my brain into perspective. More on that soon, but it is relevant to this experience.]

The Northern Lights were vaguely visible, but what I cared more about was the Milky Way, and simply being present. After an hour passed, and I caught a glimpse of greenish haze climbing over the ridge, I crawled off my table and into the car where I promptly passed out (it was also freezing cold out, and I had barely come prepared for that). Dave had made a photography friend and they were comparing shots and techniques. He captured some incredible images (one of which is below) while I snoozed away in the car.

Driving home some days later, we stopped in at the small towns and chatted with the locals about life there, job opportunities, growth, and challenges. We are hatching plans. He and I both grew up in wide open spaces. We both know the love, the wonder, the grace of those places, and one day we will step out into our yard and gaze up at those stars and be home.

Storm over Coogee Bay, Australia, 2001

In life, it feels like there are rare moments of true clarity. You know, those moments when you can suddenly see things, and people, for what, and who, they are.

This happened recently, during this past winter. It was as if the clouds over my mind and heart started lifting and moving away. They moved gradually, and then one day--blue skies.

It has been 12 years, today, since my father passed away. Not only did I lose one of my closest friends and confidants that day, but I lost a huge part of myself. I shut down. I let fear, originating from anxiety, take over a lot of things--my decisions about the future, my friendships, my relationships.

I am a very self-aware and self-reflective person--I always have been. It has taken years to get to this point of realization. Years of wondering what has been holding me back, and when that started. Years of tracing back memories and incidents. I mean, I was the girl who moved across the world, on her own, because she had a dream of visiting Australia. And then I stayed there for 4 years. This last year, I started wondering what in the world happened to that girl. Where did she go? Once I found the origin, all these puzzle pieces fell into place. I don't know why it took so long, but I am glad that this time has finally arrived. I am now able to see my relationships more clearly. I can let go of past faults and the guilt surrounding them. Best of all, I can stand up for myself as I move forward.

Letting go of the fear is difficult--it has been a companion for so many years now. But who wants to live in fear? I would far rather regret the things I've done and screwed up than the things I never tried. So I am moving forward, out of the forest and into the daylight.

So today, I will celebrate the life of my father as I have in years past. I will also be celebrating the courage he has given me, hearing his hearty, "You Go Girl!" resounding in my mind as I do so.

May your life offer you clarity and blue skies.
Onwards and upwards, dear friends.

Home ownership is so many things, all at once. It's blissful contentment, knowing you have something of your own--a piece of the world. A real life piece of land that you can stand on and stomp around on. It's a stressful weight, knowing that you have this huge debt, with big repercussions if something bad happens and you can't make payments (although, the same would go for renting). You can change it, modify things, make it your own, while at the same time, there is pressure to fit into society's molds, and so many broken things that need work.

I love it, though. I have always dreamed of owning my own home--ever since I was a little girl. Now, even when the rest of our lives are rough, I can sit back and say, "Babe. We own our own home," and feel proud.

Recently, we made the unpopular decision to get rid of our guest room and move my studio in there. I say "unpopular" because there seems to be this weird societal pressure on homeowners to have a guest room. A good friend reminded me that our house is our own space to do with what we please, which helped alleviate some of my anti-guest-room guilt. I had been thinking about why I wasn't feeling motivated to be in the studio. What I realized with the garage studio is that it wasn't my own space. Not only was it cold, but I was sharing that space with gym equipment, lawn mowers, and various tools. The energy was all wrong.

So, we moved the bed and boxes and bikes out of the guest room, painted the purple walls white, and since then my bench and work table have taken up residence. We still have yet to move the hydraulic press and rolling mill in, and the soldering station will remain in the garage (this will mean that I have to get a cute little tray to carry items to and from the garage...not too upset about that).

One of the things I love about this move is that I'm getting the chance to reorganize and go through my drawers and discard things. As an artist, I tend to accumulate things that I "might use." Granted, I usually do end up using things, or feeling guilty if I get rid of them and need them later. But then there are items like collected bugs (yes, I used to collect bugs), or old molds for concrete and resin that I most likely will never use. It is refreshing, and renewing. Now, I can't wait to work in the studio. I got all my tools set up the other day and once I am home again (I've been dog/house sitting for 10 days across town) I can get to work on projects. I can even put up shelves! And artwork! I can display my jewelry--the big, eccentric stuff that is purely conceptual and I love to bits!

This, my friends, is part of the dream.

In my family--my immediate family in particular--names are inherited. They represent our history, and we each know the origins of our respective names. For example, my first name Catherine is from my paternal great-great-great grandmother, Catherine Cumerford. Her father was an Irish Catholic who fled to England, then Australia (where Catherine was born), and finally to California. My middle name, Elisabeth, is from my maternal grandmother. Some of my siblings have middle names that reflect historical last names in the family, like 'Tomlinson', and so on and so forth.

Over the years, I have learned that there are many women with the name 'Catherine Chandler' in the world, and that many of us seem to be creative--poets, writers, painters, etc. I also know that the main character in the 1980's show Beauty & The Beast was a female lawyer named Catherine Chandler. This was all very cute and trivial until recent years when said TV show was re-made and ran for four seasons. The internet being what it is, this new version of the show has collected a great fan base and now, whenever you search my name, guess what comes up? A vast collection of websites, pinterest pages, etc., devoted to a fictional TV character.

Now, if I was just your average girl, this would pose no issue. But, I'm not. I am an artist who has spent over a decade building a name and an audience. Granted, I have been less 'vocal' over the past couple years in this space due to finishing a degree and life choices.

This whole conundrum has had me wondering if I need to change my artistic/business name. The idea of starting over basically from scratch just rubs me the wrong way. After much thought, I think the best course of action is to simply be more present--in my posts here, as well as in my etsy shop and website, which are in dire need of some updates.

The timing of this is actually good, as I've felt a re-awakening of my creative spirit lately. Perhaps it's finally feeling settled into our new home after a year of living here. There's been a shift, and I can't wait to show you what's next. There will be new work, a new studio (again, I know), and an evolution of motifs and inspiration.

Thank you for reading.

The other day, I spent almost 8 hours in the studio. With some breaks in between, of course. I have been struggling with my creativity for months now. Part of it, I attribute to buying a house and moving in, renovating the space for my studio, and all of that transition. It takes a little while to feel comfortable and connected in a new space. But more than that, I feel as if I have been breaking through a lot of barriers lately. As if there has been a cloud surrounding both myself and my husband--since we moved, we have reconnected with family and friends who we had not seen in a long while. I have probably mentioned it before, but there was just something about that last apartment that clouded and depressed us, even as cute and centrally located as it was.

We are thriving out here on the outskirts of Portland. I am still dreaming of moving further and further out, too. If only those smaller towns had decent job opportunities!

I am going back into the studio today. And tomorrow. There are earrings and necklaces and rings and bracelets to be made. I need to order some metal, but at least I can get a start on things and figure out what else I need. It feels so refreshing to have a clearer mind and feel connected with my work.

_________________________

One a different note, today is of great importance. I rarely get political here, but this warrants it. We have just witnessed a historic election. I am NOT talking about Trump being elected--there is nothing historic about a misogynistic, racist, bigot white male winning the presidency. What is historic is that Hillary Clinton was our nominee and came just inches away from being the first female president. She may not have broken the highest glass ceiling, but there sure as hell are a lot more cracks in it.

I have been dismayed, shocked, and appalled at the events in this election--from the way the debates were conducted, to the vitriol encouraged by and spewed by Trump, and finally to the American electoral college (I will not say the American People because the popular vote produced a very different result) electing a bully to our nation's highest office.

However...I am a hopeful realist at heart, and while I may be eating my words in a few months, I don't believe this is the end of the world. It is an opportunity for us to look at what is wrong with our nation--where there are cracks, injuries, etc.--and to fix it. It is an opportunity for us to do better, to do more. To get out there and volunteer. Put our boots on the ground rather than our fingers on screens.

We must start at home. First, by being the change we want to see in the world. Second, by working with others, practicing what we preach, and teaching the next generation. We must stop turning a blind eye to hate, to negativity, to bigotry and sexism and racism. It starts with us--each and every one of us. And after that, Vote for your city councilors. Vote for your mayors, governors, representatives, and senators. It starts at the roots.

Nasty Woman pendant made by Fig Jewelry. You can special order these at Silverado Portland Jewelry, or through her website! I will continue wearing mine with pride.

....sick puppies
....escapes to the Columbia River Gorge to hike with friends
....little forays into the studio
....A wonderful visit from my oldest sister
....lots of cuddles

I told myself last month that I would post more frequently. I distinctly remember even sitting down to do so, before getting distracted by one thing or another. October saw a month of rain come to Portland with only 1-2 day breaks between storms. I am used to this kind of weather, but not usually until spring. October is historically a cool, crisp and sunny month.

This year, the pumpkin fields were mud baths but hubby was sweet enough to take a Wednesday off with me while it was sunny to buy pumpkins for our first Halloween in our new home.

We missed out on a cider press party our friends throw each year because a freak storm came in from the coast. There are so many big trees around our house that we didn't want to risk something breaking while we were gone. So we stayed home, cuddled up, and watched movies while the wind raged outside.

With those same friends, we ventured out on a beautiful hike the following weekend that took us to one of my favorite spots in the gorge (and not only because I share the name)--Catherine Creek. We went off trail, as is easy to do in this part of the gorge, and traipsed around finding old glass pieces from long forgotten homesteads, creeks to cross, a bone graveyard, and the wide open sky. When I need to get out of town, this is where I go. (Of Note: I was not aware that there are hunters in this area at this time of year! I absolutely never recalled hunters being there growing up. Luckily we had bright colors with us but it's time to stock up on some blazing orange gear for us & the pup!)

I have had little spurts of time in the studio. The goal is to get in there more often. This summer and fall have seen a lot of visitors coming to stay with us and I have been so grateful for these reconnections with family and friends. I am ready, however, to hibernate and have some alone time with the metal and stones. When I don't get time to create, my creative muscles tend to fade. I am working on a separate project that has nothing to do with stonesetting or jewelry, but I am craving the alchemy that is metalsmithing. Soon.

I have been able to finish a few pieces, and these can now be found (along with some necklaces) at Silverado Portland Jewelry in Bridgeport Village! They are gorgeous and feature cutouts of birds and feathers on the back. I love them. I am embracing my love of stones again, and it feels good.

Life is happening at a breathtaking place. We still wake up and say "Babe. We bought a house." In the past few months, we bought this house, one of my best friends was diagnosed with and has gone through treatment for breast cancer, I turned 34, and we will soon be getting a puppy. If I think about it all from a distance, it boggles my mind.

We have discovered new places to run and new little cafes to eat and drink at (although we have also quickly realized that we need to hold tighter to our money.) My favorite is the Mexican taqueria up the road where we seem to be the only white patrons and the girl at the counter giggles when my viking husband places his order.

Flowers are popping up all over our garden. I am happy to say that I love the roses that have been planted here. And the irises. And the lilies. We have big plans for the garden, but they will take years to fully be realized (as it should be!).

We ourselves have changed rather quickly. Dave and I are both more inclined to do chores, to take pride in them...maybe even enjoy them. Just like when we got married, there is more teamwork. We are reaching for the same goals.

In a matter of weeks, the garage has gone from being very much a garage to having insulation and walls. Our wonderful friends helped us sheet rock the ceiling the other day--how quickly 7 hours can pass! We are scrambling to get it finished before we get our new puppy.

I am terribly excited to have a studio space again (and to not have all the studio furniture inside the house). I have no idea what I will be creating, but the desires and urges to get my hand on some metal is real. I have been thinking a lot about really, truly finding my own voice. Honoring those things that interest me. I have been thinking about abstracted flora and fauna, as well as the creation of modern mementos with Victorian jewelry as reference. It's all in my head right now--I should probably sketch it out or at least write notes, but I have gotten worse at that as the years have passed.

I recently listened to the audiobook version of "Big Magic" by Elizabeth Gilbert. Honestly, I think that might be the best way to ingest her story. I feel like reading it might make it seem too fluffy, but listening to it in Gilbert's own voice really gives life to the story and the ideas behind it. I can't wait to listen to it again. She echoes a lot of my own ideas about creativity, such as NOT quitting your day job, and how ideas move and flow. Even if you don't believe all of it, it never hurts to be open to new and different thoughts.

Lately I have been thinking about anxiety (I will tell you a story on that soon) as well as what to do when life stops moving forward at such a frantic pace. More on that soon...thank you for being here!

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All good things...

Goodbye, Little Man

On Being Brave

Summering

Making It Happen

Clarity After Midnight

The Shape of Something New

What is in a name?

Breaking Through

A Month of Rain Brings...

A glimpse...

It's all coming together!

Signs of hope, and other things...

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