There is something I have been searching for these last few years. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on...a mixture of happiness, contentment, a sense of belonging, elation, peace and hope.
I think I found it.
I haven't felt this way in months, if not years. Perhaps it is the newness of everything, but I think it is more than that. This house is truly our home. We have both achieved a dream that neither of us really saw as a possibility any time soon. I don't know what it was about the old apartment--it was very cute, and close to a really fun neighborhood, but we were both held down by it. We were depressed by it. Perhaps it was less the apartment itself and more that we had been renting for over a decade. I know not everyone is like this, but I am the type of person that is very reluctant to spend my money improving someone else's property (and rental apartments built in the 1950's need a lot of improvement). Not to mention the feeling that it's simply not really yours.
We loved our neighbors (I went to school with most of them), and our neighborhood where we could walk to get brunch, pet supplies, clothes, groceries, etc. On the flip side, there were 3 shootings within a few blocks (two within one block) of our apartment. The apartment was on two busy streets, surrounded by sounds of buses, emergency vehicles, trucks, traffic, and people right outside our windows.
Now, we live in a neighborhood where we hear birds in the daytime and frogs at night. We can walk around and feel relatively safe. We have a lot of space. The air is fresher. The sky is clearer. We are blocks away from a beautiful hiking area. I will take hiking over access to restaurants and stores any day.
On top of hiking and walking and working out, I have been meditating each day. The kitties curl up next to me on the bed and purr while I listen to guided meditations. The home buying process and moving process pushed my anxiety levels so high--to levels I have only felt when a loved one passed away. Once we got moved, I knew that I needed to quickly fix that, and have done so naturally. I have cut out my allergens (including coffee) and increased my intake of vitamins and 'superfoods.' The change is incredible.
As spring takes hold, we get to witness the growth of various plants in our new yard. We have hung a bird feeder and are hoping to attract some new friends. It is a season of renewal and hope, and boy am I feeling it.
I know that happiness comes in different forms for different people--whether you are a world traveler or a homebody, happiness is personal. It is never one-size-fits-all. I hope that wherever you are and whatever you are doing, you are finding happiness and bliss.
Love and Light.