Growth is a strange thing. Half the time I still feel so young, and at the same time, I am wise beyond my years. But, I am human. I grew up in households chock full of conflict, and found myself the peacekeeper much of the time. As an adult, it has taken me years to shake away the effects of that upbringing and to re-learn what it means to be in a healthy relationship, what healthy friendships look like, and how to stand up for and take care of myself. Even at 33 this is a challenge.
I am not one for New Year's resolutions, but this time of year does bring about a lot of reflection. I have been thinking about myself, and my actions and behaviors, and what I want to change. Last year, I followed a prompt from my dear friend Jillian and downloaded this workbook by Susanna Conway, and filled (most of) it out. It helped reflect on the past year and focus on goals for the year ahead.
Well, in thinking ahead, I have figured out that two things I want to work on are self-discipline and honesty.
With self-discipline, I'm talking about making plans to go to the gym and following through; not eating the entire box of chocolate; resisting things I know to be bad for me (aka gluten, etc.). And building routines again. For some reason, I have become terrible at routines. Morning, evening, etc.
With honesty, I'm talking less about 'not lying' and more about being honest with myself about how I feel and what I'm thinking. I mentioned being a peace keeper and find that even when I am upset with someone, I tend to talk myself out of confronting them and end up sweeping my feelings under the rug for fear of upsetting others. That fear is deeply rooted, but I am slowly learning that I can speak the truth and while it may upset some, it is not the end of the world. It is a slow process, but I can feel the benefits already.
How are you growing this year? Do you set goals for the new year?